


Stars Collide

by withoutwords



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Deaf Character, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Sex, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25463329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: As young kids, Ben and Callum used to be best of friends. With troubled home lives, they found family and love with each other. But when Phil Mitchell’s dodgy dealings land him in hot water, Ben is hauled off to America and the boys lose touch.Ten years later, Ben comes back to Walford. It seem like they have a second chance to mend their friendship - but can they do it? And if they do, is friendship all they have? Or is there something more, something deeper?
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Original Male Character(s), Jay Brown/Lola Pearce
Comments: 43
Kudos: 150
Collections: Ballum Big Bang 2020





	Stars Collide

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my lovely beta, gayrichbaz, who helped so much with the British-isms and keeping the story flowing and constant. 
> 
> Much love and gratitude to beautiful Marie/siennablake for the absolutely gorgeous art that you can find [HERE.](https://siennablake.tumblr.com/post/624428850550538240/ballum-big-bang-2020-stars-collide-by)
> 
> And thank you to all those who organised BigBang, and those that offered cheering and support. It takes a village and all that xxx

_Prologue._

**2004.**

Callum moves to Walford during a record breaking heat-wave - eight years old and sucking on a red ice lolly while he waits on the curb for his dad to get back from the pub. The house is still full of their unpacked boxes, but Callum’s not allowed inside on his own.

He’s not allowed to go anywhere. 

“What’re you doing?” another boy asks, screeching to a halt on his bike. He looks about Callum’s age, but his hair’s shorter and he’s showered with freckles.

Callum shrugs. “Nothing.”

“Well I can see that.”

“So why’d you ask?”

The boy smirks. “You’re new ain’t ya?”

Callum sighs. His ice lolly’s almost all melted, so he throws it aside and wipes his sticky hand on his jeans. They’re his worst pair anyway, holes in the legs and all frayed at the feet. “Yeah. We just moved from the city.”

“The city? Ya gonna be bored here.”

“You’re telling me,” Callum says with a huff, getting to his feet. He’s hot and annoyed and doesn’t really feel like being nice to anyone right now. 

“Ya folks forced you here, then?”

“My dad. Me mum took off.”

“Oh,” the boy says quietly, playing with the handle of his bike. “Sorry.”

Callum doesn’t let the pity bother him any more. “S’alright. It was a long time ago.”

“So why’re you here now?”

“Dad’s got a job,” Callum says, and then realises the others will probably be back soon. He’s not supposed to go out on the road, even if he can’t get in the house. “Anyway, I gotta get back in there.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

“I’m Ben,” the boy calls as Callum heads back into the yard, closing the gate behind him.

“Callum,” he calls back, waving an arm in the air and watching Ben disappear.

*

Ben keeps coming around after that. Callum’s dad is always sending him away at first, before Ben works it out and just waits around the corner for Callum instead. He’s got a bedroom window that leads straight out to the side gate, so he’s got no problem sneaking off.

Ben’s smart enough to keep quiet about it, and never asks what Callum’s dad’s problem is.

“You’ll be in my class then, eh?” Ben asks one day, wincing when Callum shakes his wet hair in Ben’s face and laughs. They’d been splashing around in the river all afternoon; Callum’s shoulders are already pink from the sun. “How old are you?”

“Nearly nine.”

“Me too. You’ll be in my class. Mr Triffet.”

Callum groans. He’s never been all that good in school. Not with classes, or teachers, or other kids. He mostly prefers to be on his own. “Great.”

“It’ll be alright. At least you know me now.”

Callum can’t argue with that. He likes Ben. He’s a bit of a joker and makes fun of Callum for stupid things like the size of his ears - but he’s nice enough.

“You wanna go get a fizzy drink? I’ll pay.”

“Sure.”

*

School starts without any real issue. Callum shadows Ben for most of it, hovering when he plays football with the other boys and knocking knees under the table at lunch. Callum mostly just keeps his head down, which he’d done at his old school, too - and no one really notices him.

Which works out well, since he can’t get a break at home.

His dad’s always at the pub or drunk, and his brother’s always hissing mad or demanding things, and it’s not like Callum isn’t used to it. He’s just getting older now, and he’s sick of it.

“What’s this?” his dad barks, throwing Callum’s sketches at him where he’s lying on his bed.

“Just some stuff I drew.”

“Drawing? Drawing? You ain’t a preschooler no more. No son of mine’s wasting time _drawing_.”

Callum doesn’t think before he says, “What’ya want me to do, then?”, realising as soon as he’s said it that it was the wrong thing to do. His dad growls and grabs him by the shirt, yanking him out of his room as his heart beats its ways out of his chest.

Callum keeps quiet.

“How about you do something worthwhile like clean up the shit laying around everywhere, huh? You think I’m working all day, putting a roof over your head, just for you to do some fairy little drawings? Huh?”

Callum’s dad pushes him into the kitchen, where there’s days worth of dishes and mess cluttering the benches. He stares at it, listening to his dad stumble out of the house with a crash of the front door.

Callum wipes his face and goes to the phone, dialling the only number he knows.

“Hi, is Ben there please?”

**2006.**

Ben has a little sister, Louise. Ben’s always moaning about what a pain she is, but Callum likes her. He’d always thought it would be nice to have a little brother or sister to look after and teach things. He’d do a lot better job than his own big brother, Stuart, that’s for sure.

Ben jokes that they should swap houses, but Callum knows he’d never mean it. 

“No, it ain’t a magic kingdom,” Ben’s telling Louise as he tightens a corner of the fort they’ve made in Ben’s bedroom. They’d emptied Kathy’s (Ben’s mum who said she doesn’t like being called Mrs. anything) linen cupboard of every sheet they could find.

The place looked like a hedgend maze, but with duvets. It was pretty cool.

“It’s a fortress, where we keep safe against the flesh-eating monsters,” he says in a gruesome voice, making Louise squeal. Callum puts an arm around her.

“Don’t listen to him,” he says, poking his tongue out at Ben who just laughs. “We’re just making a cool cubby house where we can play games, that’s all.”

“Games?” Louise pipes up. “Like Hide and Seek?”

“Sure. And Marco Polo.”

“You guys are wimps!” Ben cries, before climbing up to the top of the bed and jumping down to where they are. Louise squeals with laughter, and Callum jumps on him wrestling him to the floor as the sheets twist around them.

Louise finds some pillows, and it dissolves into a fighting match, and Callum’s laughing so much he’s out of breath and his belly is starting to hurt.

“Callum, love,” Kathy calls from the doorway, and when he peers at her from the top of a sheet he sees she’s not smiling. “Your dad rang. You have to go home.”

“Oh,” Callum says, feeling the pit of dread settle heavy in his stomach. It’s easy to forget about things when he’s at the Mitchells. When he’s with Ben. 

“But it’s early!” Ben yells, throwing down a pillow with his anger. 

Callum waves a hand. “It’s okay.”

“I’ll ride home with you.”

“No you won’t,” Kathy says firmly, and Callum doesn’t mind the stern look in her eye. The fact he knows what she’s thinking. He was going to say the same thing, anyway.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promises, not looking back at Ben’s sad face as he goes.

*

That year he gets a cardboard model airplane and some little plastic toy soldiers for Christmas. He’s a little old for it, but he doesn’t complain - Dad also gets some ham and potatoes and they have an okay day, really.

He’s not allowed to see Ben, so he sneaks out on Boxing Day instead.

“Merry Christmas,” he says with a grin, Ben laughing when Callum (who’s already a lot taller than him) picks him up and spins him around. He passes him his gift. “It’s not much.”

Ben takes it, and his smile almost looks a little nervous. “Thanks. I got you something too.”

Ben grabs a messy-wrapped parcel from his top drawer and passes it over, and they sit cross-legged on Ben’s bed as they unwrap them. Callum can’t hold back his little gasp when he sees what Ben’s bought him. A really nice set of coloured pencils that he must have paid a lot for.

“What ...” he starts to say, but can’t get the words out. He’s never really shown Ben the things he draws. He’s never shown any one, he likes to keep them hidden.

“I always see you scribbling stuff at school,” Ben says with a shrug. “Thought you might like some.”

“Thanks, that’s … they’re really great.”

“Oh, cool!” Ben cries, pulling out the disposable camera Callum had bought him. It came with a couple of silly magnetic frames, too, and Callum worried that Ben might think it’s a bit daft. “C’mere.”

Ben moves to wrap an arm around Callum’s shoulder while the other one stretches out to take a photo of the two of them, heads together.

“Say cheese!”

*

That year there’s a huge Easter Egg Hunt in the square. Dad and Stuart scoff at the whole thing, but Callum knows Ben will be there so he sneaks out to go meet him anyway. They’ve never really celebrated it in their family, though Callum’s still got a stuffed bunny he was given when he was a baby.

Callum thinks it was from his mum’s parents, but they’re dead now.

“What’s that?” Ben says with an upturned nose, looking at the small bag Callum’s got in his hand.

“They were handing ‘em out over there,” he says, pointing back to a stall. Ben scoffs at him, handing him a bag bigger than his head. Callum laughs.

“ _This_ is what you collect eggs with.”

“Just how many are ya planning to get?”

“As much as I can,” Ben says proudly, his chin up. He looks like he plans to go to war. Callum’s still laughing. 

“Nevermind the little kids.”

“They’re not allowed to have too much chocolate anyway, it’s a waste.”

Everyone lines up at the bottom of the square, and waits for one of the shop-owners to blare a big horn. For all his showing off, Ben mostly just messes around, pushing Callum around and tripping him up while they fight over who’s getting the most eggs. It’s fun, and Callum’s sides hurt from laughing, and when they huddle up together to gorge themselves on chocolate Callum thinks it might be one of the best moments of his life.

“I’d’ve been in trouble if I never met you,” Callum says from nowhere. Ben looks surprised.

“Ya didn’t get much say in it, I forced ya to be my friend,” he says, kicking Callum’s leg.

“That’s true. Good thing ya did.”

They’re just sitting there grinning at each other when Ben’s dad, Phil, appears from nowhere, giving them a look that reminds Callum of his own dad. Callum doesn’t really see much of Phil (he’s always working or away for work), and Ben never says much about him.

Callum doesn’t think he’d mind an absent dad.

“Get a move on,” Phil says to Ben, pointing in the direction of Ben’s house.

“What for?”

“Because it’s half five and because I said so,” Phil grits out, going a little red in the face. Ben grumbles but he does as he’s told, getting up to leave.

“You wanna keep these safe for me?” Callum asks Ben as Phil lingers just nearby. “If me dad finds ‘em he’ll take ‘em.”

“Yeah, alright,” Ben says softly, and it sounds too much like pity. Callum grins at him.

“Thanks. See you at school.”

*

**2008.**

Callum’s 11 years old when Holly Richardson kisses him behind the library shelves at school. He blinks at her a lot, his mouth still pursed; he can’t remember how he got from talking about the English homework to having her lips pressed against his.

She tastes like cherry.

“What’d you do that for?” he asks, pulling a face when she giggles.

“You’re just so cute!”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” Holly argues, laughing again. She presses his nose with a finger. “You wanna go out with me?”

“Go where?”

She laughs again, and he doesn’t understand why she does it so much. “No, be my boyfriend idiot.”

“Oh.” Callum keeps blinking. He didn’t know you could do that when you’re 11. He thought it was something he didn’t have to worry about for a long time. Preferably a really, really long time. “I guess.”

“Great!”

Holly disappears, leaving Callum stood there, dumbstruck, trying to figure out what just happened. It’s where Ben finds him a few minutes later, holding a comic book and grinning.

“Found that nerd thing you wanted,” he says, slamming the comic book into Callum’s chest. Callum holds it.

“Shut up,” he says, then grumbles, “Thanks.”

“What's wrong with you?”

“Nothing, just … apparently I’m Holly’s boyfriend now.”

“What?” Ben says with a coughing laugh. “Don’t be daft.”  
  
“I ain’t! She asked and I said, _I guess_ , and now …”

Ben’s laughing smile slowly folds into something like confusion. Obviously he’d never thought about girlfriends either. “That’s dumb.”

“I know,” Callum agrees with a heaving sigh, picking up his bag to throw over his shoulder. He starts walking shoulder to shoulder with Ben to go check out his book.

“Just tell her you don’t wanna be her boyfriend,” Ben says after a moment, Callum looking over to see him munching on his thumbnail. Callum scans his library card, and then the book. 

“I don’t want her to be sad.”

“Too bad. You have to, or you’ll be stuck following her around everywhere.”

“What, instead of following you around everywhere?” Callum teases, making Ben laugh again.

“Exactly! Come on, let’s go get lunch.”

*

They sneak out one night, just the once. It’s stupid, and dangerous - Callum’s dad never checks on him at night, but he gets a tingling sense of dread this will be the one time he does. He tries to talk Ben out of it, over and over, but Ben (as usual) doesn’t listen to him. He comes to Callum’s bedroom window with a backpack and blanket and they go.

Callum’s scared, but he can’t stop smiling.

“If only we had fireworks,” he says with a laugh, as they settle on the blanket by the river and Ben pulls out two beer cans he stole from his house. He laughs when Callum makes scoffing noises at him.

“Relax, it’s just one each.”

“Just one - you’re mental you are.”

“C’mon, try it,” Ben says, cracking open a can and handing it to Callum. Then he opens one for himself.

Callum watches Ben gulp at his and wonders if he’s done it before. He wouldn’t be all that surprised. When he takes a sip of his own he coughs. “That’s disgusting, that is!”

Ben almost curls over with his laughing. “Thought you’d say that. There’s cola too.”

Callum settles happily with his fizzy drink, and they sit knee to knee throwing stones into the river and chatting idly about school and friends and football.

“You think about getting older?” Ben asks into the silence. “What ya wanna do?”

Callum shrugs. “Not really. You?”

“Sometimes. I mean, I’m not very smart,” Callum kicks at him but he goes on, “It’s true! I don’t think I wanna do, like, Engineering or whatever that is. I’ll leave that to you.”

“Leave off!”

“I could be one of those blokes that dresses up as a clown to entertain the Queen.”

This time Callum’s really laughing. “I don’t think that exists any more.”

“Well something like that.”

“You’re a good dancer,” Callum says, remembering one day when he was at the Mitchells and Ben was dancing with Kathy to some olden days song. She’d been teaching him to waltz or something.

“Don’t be daft,” Ben mumbles, ducking his head and his cheeks going red. “My dad would love that.”

Callum groans. “Stupid dads.”

“Yeah. Hey, get up, get up,” he says, standing up and trying to pull Callum to his feet. Callum goes slowly - it’s already a lot further up for him, and follows Ben to the edge of the water. “Yell it.”

“Yell what?”

“Stupid dads,” Ben says with a grin, pinching at Callum  
s side. “Go on, yell it.”

“Come on.”

“Seriously. Or be really rude and yell _fuck you dad_.”

Callum laughs but he can tell Ben is serious, still nudging at him with an elbow. They stand side by side like that, as if waiting for the other, until Callum just lets go and lets loose.

From somewhere deep in his gut he yells, “ _Fuck you dad_!” not sure what feels better. Letting it all go or listening to Ben hoot, pleased, when he does.

“You’re crazy,” he tells Ben, laughing, as Ben wraps an arm around his shoulders. 

“We both are.”

*

Ben comes to his front door on a Tuesday. He hasn’t done that since Callum moved to Walford - he knows what Callum’s dad is like and he knows better. Callum’s dad has let them be friends for this long only because he hasn’t had to see them together.

Ben’s not an idiot.

“I gotta see Callum,” Callum hears Ben say from where he’s hovering at his bedroom door. His voice sounds a little clogged, like maybe he’s got a cold or something - is that why he’s here, to tell Callum to stay away for a few days?

“Go home, kid,” Callum’s dad says, but Ben shouts back,

“I just wanna talk to Callum!” and then louder, “Callum!”

It makes him worry enough that he comes down the hallway, seeing Ben at last and seeing his face. He’s blotchy red and his eyes are bloodshot and Callum doesn’t even think when he rushes closer.

“What’s going on, what happened?”

“I told him he can go home,” Callum’s dad says, holding out an arm. Callum just tries to push it away.

“We’re leaving,” Ben tells him with a sniff, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. It takes a moment for Callum to understand, standing there and staring at Ben like he’s grown another head. 

“What?”

“Mum and Dad are moving to America and taking me and Lou.”

“What?” he says again, feeling it stick in his throat. “I don’t ...”

Callum’s dad lets out a nasty chuckle. “Ya old man’s running away at last is he? Enemies finally catching up to him, eh?”

Ben snaps a look at him but doesn’t say anything. Callum’s too overwhelmed that he can’t ask what that’s supposed to mean, can’t ask for some proper explanation. Ben can’t just leave.

“We’re going tomorrow. I just wanted to come say bye.”

“But,” Callum tries to say, but he’s interrupted by his dad snarling,

“Tell Phil Mitchell good riddance,” and slamming the door in Ben’s face. Callum just stares at it dumbly, his dad walking away, before his brains kick back into gear and he’s running out the door to catch up to Ben.

“Ben! Ben, wait!” he yells, making him turn around, leaping into Ben’s arms and wrapping him in a tight hug. “Are you sure you gotta go? Why? I don’t understand.”

“I just have to, Cal, okay?” Ben sobs into Callum’s shoulder, wiping his eyes on Callum’s shirt. Callum feels his own tears starting to fall now, tasting the salt on his lip and biting at it to try and make it stop.

It’s hopeless though. What’s he going to do without Ben?

“How long for though? Will you be back soon?”

“I donno. I got no idea.”

“Can I write you?” Callum asks, pulling apart to give Ben a little shake of his shoulders. “Will you write me?”

Ben gives him a sad smile, wiping his face again, nodding and telling Callum, “Yeah, sure, okay,” and wrapping him in a hug again. “I’ll write ya.”

“Okay. Okay.” Callum tries to calm his breathing, tries to stop the tears, but it’s no good, it will never be good. He’s losing the only friend he ever had. “I’ll miss you,” he tells Ben, feeling his chest start to cave in as he says it, listening to Ben try and muffle his sobs in Callum’s neck. 

“I’ll miss you too.”

_Today._  
**2020.**

Callum gets off a ten hour shift, sweat clinging to his skin and legs aching. He knows he should go straight home, shower and get into bed, but he’s barely had time to stop today. He’s craving coffee so badly he can taste it.

“You look terrible,” Tiff tells him when he goes into the cafe, eyeing his rumpled uniform. She’s his best friend’s sister so she likes to think she can be as honest as she likes with him. Callum just rolls his eyes at her. 

“Cheers, Tiff. Get us a coffee, wouldya?”

“Manners wouldn’t hurt.”

“ _Please_ ,” he groans, collapsing into the nearest chair to wait. It had been a hectic day. A lot busier than his usual, that’s for sure. They’d been all over the county helping with asthma attacks, and prats stuck in strange places, and they’d even been _this close_ to delivering a woman’s baby on the edge of a slip lane.

Christ. Just thinking about it wears him out all over again.

“You hear the news then?” the manager, Tina, says when she comes out to give Callum his coffee. She’d put it in a to-go cup, bless her.

“What’s that?” he says, going to pass her a fiver, but she waves it away.

“Kathy Mitchell’s coming back to the Square.”

Callum almost spits up his drink. “ _What_?”

“Yeah. Ben and Louise, too. You and him were close, weren’t ya?”

“Yeah,” Callum says on a breath, his mind fogging up. On one hand it felt like a lifetime ago, on the other hand it could have been just yesterday. “Well, I mean. We was kids. But... yeah.”

“Aww, so sweet,” Tina teases, shucking his chin. “A little reunion.”

“Yeah,” Callum says dumbly, as Tina heads back into the kitchen. 

Callum’s thought about Ben a lot over the years, sure, but he’d moved so far away Callum never thought he’d actually see him again. 

“You gonna make it home in one piece?” Tiff teases, waving a hand in Callum’s face. “Or should I roll ya down the hill?”

*

Ben never got much taller. It’s the first thing Callum thinks when he finally sees him - stupid and random and probably just a smoke screen for all the other thoughts he’s having. Those are a lot less forgiving. 

Ben’s hovering over a grocer’s stand, pondering some fruit, and Callum feels like his feet are in tar and stuck to the ground. 

It’s been 12 years, he needs to grow up.

“Ben!” he calls, as he slowly heads over, plastering on a smile the best he can. Ben doesn’t even react. “Hey, Ben!”

Ben still doesn’t turn to him. Did he see Callum, already? Is he just ignoring him? That would be ridiculous, surely - it had been over a decade, they had both moved on with their lives. If Callum can forgive Ben for his part, Ben can get past it too.

“Ben,” he says for the last time, touching Ben’s shoulder when he reaches him. Ben startles, spinning with his arms up, so surprised that Callum has to put his hands up with a smile. “It’s just me. Didn’t you hear me calling you?”

Ben looks at him confused for a moment, and then Callum watches the realisation slowly dawn across his face. “Callum?”

“Yeah. Hi.”

“Bloody hell! Uh, hi.” Ben puts his hand out for Callum to shake. His accent is a little watered down - ten years in another country is bound to do that, Callum supposes - but it’s still recognisably him. “Hi. Wow. I barely recognised you.”

“Yeah, I had a bit of a growth spurt in grade ten,” Callum says awkwardly, raising his hand above his head as if he needs to demonstrate. Ben looks at him a little strangely, obviously not impressed with the theatrics.

“Ears are the same though,” he teases anyway, laughing as Callum gently shoves at his shoulder.

“Watch it.”

“Uh, so - so how’ve you been?”

“Yeah, good. Good, thanks. You?”

Ben shrugs. “Oh, yeah. I didn’t think you’d still be here. I mean, I heard your family moved away.”

“Yeah, dad and Stuart did but … I wanted to stay. I got into the course I wanted in town and I had my friends so …”

Ben just nods slowly at him. He looks a lot different than Callum has always remembered. Time and puberty is bound to do that to a person, of course, but - Callum’s not sure. It’s not just that he’s more filled out, and he’s got a five-o’clock shadow. It’s also the defensive angle of his eyes. The way his jaw clenches. When he was a kid he didn’t have any of his guards up like that.

“Anyway, I have to get to work. I’m on night shift.”

“Oh? What do you do?”

“I’m a paramedic. Graduate Paramedic,” Callum concedes, not wanting to sound like a total wanker. “I’m still studying, and learning.”

Ben’s eyes seem to get a little softer. “That’s great.”

“Yeah, it is. I like it. What about you, what’re you doing?”

“Uh, what am I doing?” Ben repeats, and Callum nods at him a little lost. “Oh, my dad, he handed the car garage over to me so I’m working there. Fixing cars.”

“Oh, cool,” Callum says. “You always loved helping him there when we was kids.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, I hate to run, but I’m going to be late. We should catch up soon for a drink, yeah? At the Vic?”

“Yeah, sure, don’t worry about it,” Ben says with a smile and a little wave. “I’ll see you soon.”

Callum waves as he goes, not paying attention and shouldering into someone. He looks back at Ben, embarrassed, but Ben’s already turned away.

It would be silly to think they could just pick up and be best mates again.

They’re not little kids any more.

*

  
Callum gets through the next few days with mostly Ben on his mind. He’s not keen to ask after him, worried that word will get back to Ben - and he can’t really talk to his best mate Whitney because she didn’t even know Ben. She’d arrived in the Square a few years after he left. 

He’s not sure why it feels so important.

Ben had been his best friend, but they didn’t know each other at all any more. And it wasn’t like he was lonely now, he had Whit and Jay and Lola - not to mention Mick and Linda who had become like parents to Callum. They’d supported him through University, even helped him put a rental payment down on his flat.

He was so lucky to have them.

“So this is Ben, huh?” Whit asks when she’s over at his place having drinks. She taps on the huge mural he’d made up when he moved in there. Dozens of photos all tacked onto a cork board, as well as sketches and drawings he’d done over the years.

“Yeah,” Callum says when he comes to stand next to her. “I’d given him a camera for Christmas, that was the first photo he took with it.”

“Cute.”

“Did you ever have a best friend as a kid? Like … someone who changed your whole life?”

Whit just stares at the photo, thinking about it. He’s sure it hasn’t escaped her attention that there’s also other photos of Ben up there, drawings he’d done of Ben, both before and after he had left. “I donno. I don’t think so. Lots of great friends. But I had me mum, and Tiff.”

“Yeah.”

“Whereas you didn’t have that, hey? I guess that made the difference.”

“Yeah,” Callum agrees again, thinking about the endless amount of times he’d snuck off to find Ben, to get away from his family. “Definitely.”

“So,” Whit drawls slowly, grinning at Callum as she elbows him in the side. “Is he sexy or what?”

“Oh, come on,” he groans, feeling his neck get a little hot.

“What? I’m just asking. It’s not like you wouldn’t’a noticed.”

“I was thinking about the 11 year old I knew, actually. Weren’t too worried about rating him from 1 to 10.”

Whitney blows a raspberry at him, disappointed. “Nice, wholesome Callum. So boring.”

“Sorry. Next time I see him I’ll tell him you’re up for it.”

“Rude!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell him you’re a respectable young woman who’s only interested in his mind.”

Even Whitney cackles at that one, spilling her wine as she tackle-hugs Callum and pushes him away from the photos, the memories. The ache of remembering.

*

Callum does run into Ben again - inevitable in a small place like Walford - this time as he’s getting himself a beer at E20. He’s with a few of his co-workers, and although they hadn’t gotten off shift until late they really needed a chance to unwind.

Callum is so out of it he nearly tips his whole pint on Ben’s shirt.

“Oh, shit, shit sorry,” he cries, yanking his hand away and feeling it drop down the sides of his glass.

Ben smirks and looks down at himself. “You didn’t get me.”

“Close call,” he says with a shake of his head, licking the edge of his fingers where he’s still dripping on himself like an idiot. “Hey I’m glad I ran into you again.”

Ben tips his head, distracted. “Sorry, what?”

“I’m glad I ran into you again. We was gonna have a drink. You wanna join me?” he asks, motioning over to the table where his friends are sitting. Ben’s eyes follow.

“Oh, uh, no. Sorry, I’m with some friends too.”

“Oh, okay, well hey.” Callum shuffles in his back pocket to pull out his phone. “How about I grab your number and we can catch up sometime.”

Callum looks at Ben expectantly, who still seems distracted. His eyes flick from Callum’s phone to his face before he eventually asks, “Oh you want my number?”

Callum smiles. “Please.”

Ben recites it to him as Callum plugs it into his phone, then sends a quick text with a smiling emoji. “There, now you have my number too.”

“Alright. Great. Well I should,” Ben points to the bar. Apparently Callum had gotten in his way as he was trying to go order drinks.

“Right, right, sorry,” he says quickly, jumping aside. “Have a good night.”

“Bye,” Ben says with a small wave, and Callum pulls himself away to go back to his table. Greg, one of his co-workers that he really likes, snatches Callum pint to take a gulp.

“Who was that?”

“Huh? Oh an old friend. Just moved back into town.”

“Love connection?”

Callum scoffs, taking a sip of his beer. “Shut up. Despite what you think, gays don’t want to shag every man they talk to.”

“No, just the cute florists who know basic first aid,” Greg teases, talking about a man Callum had exchanged numbers with a few weeks ago. They’d had a call out about a young boy who’d come off his bike - James, the florist, had kept him stable until they’d gotten there.

“He’s nice!” Callum argues, which is the truest thing he knows about the man. They’d had one date, and it was … pleasant. Which is a lot more than he can say for most of the dates he’s been on. Callum tries, he does - it just hasn’t worked out for him yet.

“You’re nice,” Greg says with a laugh, yanking on Callum’s ear.

“Yeah,” Callum says with a sigh.

He gets that a lot.

*

Callum’s almost done with his studies. He’s only got a few more units to finish up before he can finally be classified as a Qualified Paramedic. Which doesn’t mean more money and glamour, but feels important anyway. He’d had a hard time believing he’d have this, when he was a kid. A dream, a goal, a purpose.

It’s a good feeling, having it in his sights.

 _I’m sick of looking at my text books_ \- he messages to Ben on a Sunday night, feeling a little silly when his thumb shakes over the screen. _Drink at the Vic?_

It takes Ben a while to get back to him, Callum reading and rereading the same sentence before his phone buzzes against his desk.

**Okay. Half hour?**

When Callum gets there, Ben’s already sitting at a table with a drink ready for him. Callum waves dumbly as he goes over, motioning to the pint as he sits. “Cheers for that.”

“That’s for you,” Ben tells him, and Callum looks over with a grin.

“Yeah, I got that. Thank you.”

Ben nods. “You’re welcome.”

Callum takes a big gulp, hoping it might take the edge off. He’s not sure what he’s so nervous about, really. They were fast friends back when they were kids, it was easy. If they’ve changed all that much, if they can’t be friends now - it’s not the end of the world.

“So. How are things? Do you like being back?”

Ben takes a moment to answer. “Uh, yeah. I mean, business is good, I’m keeping busy.”

“That’s good. How’s your mum, and Louise?”

“They’re good. Mum’s happy.”

“I’m glad,” Callum says, smiling down at his glass, playing with the condensation. “I keep thinking I should go and see her, I mean, she was always great to me and I feel bad that I haven’t caught up with her yet. I don’t want her to think I forget, you know?”

When he looks up at Ben, his expression is blank. Callum hopes he hasn’t hit a sore spot. “Louise finished school last year,” he tells Callum randomly. “So she’s doing some casual work at the hairdresser for now.”

“Oh, yeah? Does she like it?”

Ben shrugs. “I think so. Likes having money.”

“Right,” Callum says with a laugh. “Especially when she doesn’t have to spend it on rent and bills I suppose.”

Ben still has his guards up it seems, not really connecting with Callum as he speaks. He plays with the rim of his glass when he asks, “Do you talk to your family?” only glancing up at Callum quickly before looking away again.

“I mean, no,” he admits, with a little shake of his head. “I was pretty glad to see the back of them, really.”

“Where did they go?”

“Somewhere in Leeds I think. About as much as I got told.”

They both sit quietly for a moment, nursing their drinks and sharing short, awkward glances. Callum’s sorry he can’t bring more to the table, but he doesn’t know what else to say - he’s still here, he’s always been here. It’s Ben that had to go, whose life changed dramatically.

Maybe he didn’t want to come back at all.

“So,” Callum starts to say, but he’s cut off by Ben hurrying to his feet. 

“Actually, I have to go,” he says, leaving his half-empty glass. “I’ve got a rush order of parts arriving in the morning and I need to make sure everything’s ready and … I’ll see you later, Callum.”

“Uh, okay,” Callum says dumbly, just watching him go, staring at the door as it swings shut behind him.

Callum’s starting to feel like a little kid again. Confused, and alone.

*

Ben had always been close to Jay Brown, back when they were kids. Callum hadn’t really gotten to know him until after Ben left; Jay had been one of the kind few that had encouraged Callum to join them in the schoolyard, or after classes for a snack at the cafe.

It hadn’t filled the space Ben left, but it had helped. 

“He’s just struggling in general, mate,” Jay says when Callum goes around there to have a coffee and catch up. “Don’t take it personally.”

“Struggling? How?”

Jay fumbles with the milk. “Oh, you know, just. Settling back into life and all that. Trying to make the business something. It’s a lot for him.”

“Yeah,” Callum says, defeated, slumping into a chair at their dining room table. “Fair enough.”

“I mean, Lo and I hardly see him either, if I’m honest. We practically gotta force him out of the house.”

“Right.”

“Seriously, though, don’t stress on it or nothing. Ben’s a stubborn toad, always has been. You can’t help people who won’t help themselves.”

It’s not a point that Callum particularly agrees with - especially since he’s a paramedic. But he decides not to push Jay on it. “I guess I’m just being selfish, wanting my old mate back and everything.”

“That ain’t selfish. I felt the same way when I heard he was coming back.”

“You remember that time we went down to the river and he dared you to jump from like, ten feet in the air?” Callum says with a laugh, watching Jay shake his head and hide his face in his hand. 

“How could I forget, I broke my bloody arm!”

“Oh yeah, you did too! I forgot about that.”

“Little rodent didn’t show at my place for days, he felt so bad.”

Callum can’t help laughing. “He dared me to knock and run at the old Peterson place, too.”

“That’s right!” Jay remembers with a cackle. “You’re lucky old man Peterson didn’t break your arm!”

“Ben didn’t even wait for me either!” Callum cries, as the memory comes back to him. “Just took off. I found him laughing his guts up at home.”

“Such a little prat.”

Jay brings their coffees over to the table, as they keep reminiscing about all the stupid things they’d done in their childhood. All the crazy adventures Ben Mitchell had forced them into.

“Got pretty boring without him,” Jay says finally, once their cups are empty and the pot’s cold. Callum can’t disagree.

“Probably why I did so good at school,” he jokes. “Had nothing better to do.”

“So what’s my excuse, then?”

“Women, probably.”

Jay laughs, wiggling his eyebrows. “I’ll take that. Although Ben’s always going on about his conquests with American men and he did shite at school too, so.”

Callum’s glad he’s finished his drink or he may have done a very impressive spit-take. “Ben’s gay,” he repeats unnecessarily, watching as Jay’s whole face turns into a grin.

“Course he is, Halfway. How did you not know that?”

“He never said.”

“Seriously? He came out to me when he was like, thirteen,” Jay tells him, as something cold settles in the pit of Callum’s stomach. 

Once Ben had left Walford, Callum never heard from him again.

“You were still talking back then?”

Jay winces, like he’s just realised he’s said something wrong. “Yeah.”

Apparently Callum wasn’t important enough to keep in touch with.

“Oh. Okay.”

“Listen, Cal - ”

Callum just puts a hand up to quiet him. “No, no, it’s fine. Obviously Ben’s not interested in having any more mates right now. I’m not going to pressure him or nothing.”

“He’s an idiot,” Jay says, and Callum can’t help a small chuckle.

“Well, thanks for the coffee, Jay. It was good to see you mate. Say hi to Lola for me, alright?”

“I will. And if Ben gets his head out his arse I’ll tell him to text you.”

Callum concedes a smile, tamping down the sour turn in his gut. “Sure, you do that.”

*

Callum had never been an idealist, as a kid. People say he’d had to grow up too fast - his mum gone and his dad working long days, he’d had to step up for his family. Learn to take care of himself more. Callum’s not sure he agrees with it.

Some kids breeze through their childhood, and others don’t.

Callum hadn’t gotten so lucky. Except for when he’d had Ben.

“ _Callum Highway_?”

Seeing Kathy again is like a wave of nostalgia crashing over him. He remembers the floral scent of her perfume, and the way her cakes tasted fresh out of the oven with a little bit of butter spread over the top. He remembers the sound of her laugh, and the almost clingy way she’d hug him when he’d leave her house to go home. 

He’d never really starved for a mum, but he’d never really cared for one like he cared for Kathy Mitchell, either.

“Hi,” Callum says as they cross the street to each other, the words barely climbing out of his throat. “Hi, Kathy, it’s good to see you.”

“Oh, you too sweetheart,” she says, wrapping him up in a hug. It’s welcome, and familiar.

“I meant to come see you but I’ve just been so busy…”

“Oh of course, don’t even worry about it. Ben told me you’re a paramedic, how exciting.”

Callum tries to hide his shock at that, but he’s not sure he succeeds. “He told you?”

“Yes, of course. He’s very proud of you.”

“Oh, well,” he says shyly, ducking his head. Ben’s barely been able to say two words to Callum, but to Kathy he’s boastful and proud?

“You should come for a drink at The Albert one night. I mean, you can always come over to our place for coffee of course, but I’d love to see you at the club.”

“Are you the manager there?”

“I own it, actually,” she tells him, laughing when Callum’s eyes almost fall out of his head. “Tina is managing it for me now.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

“Yeah, it’s going really well. The punters seem to be loving it at least.”

  
“We’ve needed a local place like that for a while now.” Kathy doesn’t miss the fact Callum said we, her eyes lighting up with the recognition. Whether she already knew or not, whether that seemed important enough to Ben to share - he doesn’t know.

“That’s what we thought. And with Tina and Ben’s help it’s really getting there. It’s been terrific.”

“Well I’ll definitely be around soon to check it out.”

“I’d love to see you,” Kathy says, embracing Callum again and almost squeezing the breath out of him. “And hey, I mean it about coming round to ours. We can have a proper catch up.”

“That’d be great.”

Kathy gives him one of those familiar smiles, the way she did so many times all those years ago. Callum feels shy and warm under her gaze, like a little child being welcomed. “It’s so great to see you, Callum. I’m so glad you’re well.”

“Thanks, Kathy. I’ll catch up soon, yeah?”

  
*

Callum’s always been stubborn about being set up. Coming out gay in a small town is hard enough - but once everyone knows and wants the best for you it somehow becomes worse. Suddenly they all know someone you’d be perfect for, and they all want to be responsible for your happily ever after.

Callum’s coworker, Naomi, is no exception.

“How many times did she tell ya we had to meet?” Naomi’s cousin Charlie says when they go to get a drink at The Albert. He’s tall and fair and handsome - his nose is off-centre and his eyes are a striking blue and Callum’s been on some pretty terrible dates.

He’s not sorry he agreed to this one.

“Oh, you know, once or twice,” Callum lies, not sure he wants to admit it took her months for him to finally agree.

“Right,” Charlie says with a smile, clearly not believing it. “Well I’m glad it worked, in the end.”

“Me too.”

Charlie’s an elementary teacher - a few years older than Callum and a lot better dressed. He’s confident, and blunt - honest in a way that’s not completely off-putting. Callum gets so buried in work and study that he loses this a little bit; appreciating men and desiring them. Letting go a little. 

“Do you dance, Callum Highway?” he asks after they’ve had a few drinks and have settled into a nice rhythm.

“Uh, not really.”

“Can I convince you?”

Callum gulps the rest of his pint, making Charlie laugh, then concedes, “Alright,” and follows him out onto the dancefloor. A lot of today’s music all sounds the same to Callum, but he enjoys being pressed in close to Charlie and letting the sway of their bodies take over.

Charlie snakes an arm around his shoulder, so Callum lets his own rest around Charlie’s waist - and soon they’re grinding against each other, smiling breathlessly into the dimly lit space.

Callum feels his heart hammer against his chest as Charlie leans in, letting his mouth fall open for the kiss. But instead Charlie presses their cheeks together and says, “Just need the loo. Want another drink on my way back?”

Callum laughs - mostly at himself - and nods as they both go separate ways, Callum back to their table. He’s almost there when he literally walks straight into Ben, standing still with his arms folded tight across his chest.

Ben’s eyes are on him.

“Hi,” Callum says, unable to hide his excited surprise at seeing Ben’s face again. He’s not sure what this power is that Ben has over him. Thinking about how Ben’s been with him makes him angry sometimes - but seeing Ben here, getting a chance to know him again.

He’s willing to forgive it all. From now, from back then. 

“Hi.”

“Your mum told me about this place, thought I’d come see it.”

Ben just nods at Callum, his eyes flickering to the dancefloor. “Having fun?”

“Yeah, it’s great. What about you, are you here with any one?”

“No.” Ben says flatly, watching Callum’s mouth as he talks. “Is that your boyfriend?”

“No, no,” Callum says with a shake of his head, not sure why he feels the need to deny it so vehemently. He’d be proud to have a boyfriend like Charlie. Wanting it is another thing. “Just a date.”

“Right.”

“You wanna join us for a drink?”

“Nah, don’t think so.” Ben finally uncrosses his arms, pulling out his phone and taking his eyes off Callum at last. It feels cold. “I’ll see you round.”

Once again, Callum is left to watch him go. Apparently that’s just what they do. 

“Sure. Bye.”

*

Callum’s on a night shift later that next week, when they get a call about a brawl at The Vic. Two men intoxicated and injured, police are attending the scene and settling things down. It’s met with groans of protest from Greg, who Callum’s riding with. It’s always hard wasting time on people who bring it on themselves.

“I swear to God, if it’s glass,” Greg grumbles as they pull up to the front of the pub. There are already people crowding around to catch a look.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you through it,” Callum teases, the pair of them grabbing their gear as they head over to the patients.

It’s only the low street lights and pub lights that shine across them, so Callum falters when he finally realises one of them is Ben. He’s propped up on the side of the building, a police officer hovering near him. 

“Great,” Ben grumbles when he sees Callum, a towel held against his head. There’s blood trickling down his face, his pupils shot.

“What happened?” Callum asks, ignoring Ben’s gripe and checking his responses with a torch. He’s not alarmed by any of the initial tests. 

“Some guy got mouthy with me so I hit him.”

“What happened to you?” Callum repeats, unzipping his bag and pulling out the things he needs. 

“He punched me back and I hit my head on the corner of the table.”

“Alright, let me…” Callum gently pushes Ben’s hand away so he can remove the towel, inspecting the wound a little closer. It’s not too deep - it shouldn’t need stitches - so he gets to cleaning it up carefully and applying some tape.

“I thought you was just a student,” Ben gripes. “Are you allowed to be doing that?”

Callum pulls a face. “Yes, Ben.”

“I’m just saying, I’d hate to sue Walford General for having a bad scar on my beautiful face.”

“Not so beautiful right now,” Callum teases, and Ben laughs. 

“Oh but it was beautiful before?”

Callum rolls his eyes but can’t help his smile. Despite the circumstances, it’s nice that Ben’s actually talking to him like a decent human. “It’s not a bad cut. I’ll clean it and tape it but you’re going to have to go into the hospital to get it checked out.”

“Ugh, hospitals.”

“I know, I know, but like you said I’m just a student, can’t trust me to give you adequate medical care can you?”

Callum leans back from where he’s finished taping up the wound, and realises that Ben is giving him a confused look. “Are you alright?” he asks, dread starting to settle in his gut. Has he been negligent? Has he missed a concussion? He was so distracted by it being Ben ...

“I’m fine,” Ben snaps, grunting as he pushes himself up onto his feet. Callum quickly follows. 

“Hey, hey, slow down.”

“Don’t, Callum,” Ben says, snappy again, the police officer back at alert. Callum holds his hand up to her, letting her know he’s okay.

“It’s fine,” he says, mostly to convince himself. Ben’s probably just got a headache and is feeling a bit average. “You’ll be fine to go home tonight. Take some paracetamol. Get ya mum to wake you now and then, or set an alarm. But promise me you’ll go to the hospital in the morning, just to get checked out again, yeah?”

Ben’s just blinking at him, and Callum reaches out to touch his elbow. “Ben.”

“For fuck’s sake, Callum! I can’t - I don’t know what you’re saying!”

“What do you mean?” Callum asks hurriedly, looking into Ben’s eyes again to see if they’ve changed. “Is it fuzzy? Do you need to sit down?”

“No, I’m deaf, okay?” he yells, getting the attention of a few onlookers. “I’m deaf and you talk too fast and I don’t know what you’re saying, alright, just …”

“Ben,” Callum says, almost silently, completely overwhelmed by the confession. Moments from the past few weeks start to fall into place - the way Ben would look at him, his strange behaviours. Ben’s deaf, and he never said anything? Did no one know?

“Get me the other one, would you?” Ben yells, shoulders tense as he jabs a finger in Greg’s direction. 

“I can help,” Callum says weakly, but Ben closes his eyes and throws his head back with an angry groan. 

“The other guy, Callum. _Now_.”

“Alright,” Callum concedes, putting his hands up and moving backwards. “I will.”

Callum sends Greg over, explaining the situation, while he gathers up their stuff to load the ambulance.

What a great paramedic he’s turning out to be.

*

Callum tries to contact Ben, to no avail. He tries to text, and call, even stop at the garage to see if he can corner him there - but nothing. Obviously Ben isn’t ready to face him, and obviously he wasn’t ready for Callum to know.

Even if Callum was the only one who didn’t.

“I’m sorry, mate,” Jay says when they catch up, buying Calum a coffee at the cafe. “He swore me to secrecy.”

Lola, who’s also joined them, scoffs. “He’s an idiot,” she says, which is something Callum has thought to himself, yes, but not the only thing he’s feeling right now.

It’s Ben’s story to tell, after all. Who’s Callum to jump to conclusions? “I’m not angry, honestly,” Callum tells them. “I just don’t get it, y’know? We was friends, once. It ain’t like I’m gonna hold it against him.”

“He doesn’t think that,” Jay says softly, scratching at his eyebrow as though the whole thing is making him feel awkward. Obviously being the go-between for two of his good friends isn’t such an easy job. “Honest.” 

“Then what’s he think?”

“I donno, a lot of dumb things.”

Callum scoffs, and takes a sip of his drink. He’d been mulling it all over for the last few days, trying to understand where Ben’s coming from. Anger, resentment, embarrassment, denial. But now he learns that practically the whole Square knows. Everyone but Callum.

“Look, mate,” Jay starts, but Callum just waves a hand at him.

“It’s alright, I don’t expect you to talk for him.”

“Well he ain’t doing it for himself,” Lola says.

“No, but that’s his choice. It’s fine.”

“You know he loved ya, right?” Jay says with a soft smile, reaching out to pat Callum’s hand on the table. “When we was kids. Never shut up about ya, never wanted to go nowhere without ya. He proper loved ya.”

“Yeah,” Callum says, smiling back, because no matter what happened in-between, he does know that’s how it was back then. Ben was like his own guardian angel. Callum wasn’t a big believer in the supernatural, or the unknown - but it had sort of felt like fate. “I know.”

Callum almost wishes it had been left in the past, where it was perfect.

Except he doesn’t, not really.

*

Whitney had been Callum’s first and only proper girlfriend. It had lasted about three months before he realised that kissing her was about as enjoyable as watching _Escape to the Country_ with the Carters every Sunday.

Okay, but not what he planned to do for the rest of his life.

“Y’know I hate that comparison,” Whitney wails when they get drunk at her place. They’re collapsed on a Twister mat, a bowl of crisps scattered across the floor where Callum had kicked them.

“It’s true though. It was … nice.”

“Ugh.” Whitney tries to kick him but fails miserably. “Wanker.”

“It’s not like you was in love with me.”

“I could’ve been!”

“Bollocks. You mostly got with me to bother whatshisface, Draper.”

“Kyle!” Whitney says with a laugh, as if she’s just remembered. “That’s right. He was _fit_.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Well I mean, you’re fit _now_. Back then you was mostly just awkward.”

Callum can’t really argue. He hit his true growth spurt around 15 and for the next three years had mostly just tried to work out how to use his limbs without hurting himself or any one else. He didn’t even kiss a boy until he was 19 - in some really dodgy bar in Hotten where his feet had stuck to the floor.

It hadn’t been a memorable time, but he’d gotten through it. With Whit and Jay he’d even sometimes enjoyed it.

“You think you and Ben might’ve …” Whit doesn’t finish the sentence. “You know, if he hadn’t left.”

“I donno,” Callum says honestly, mostly because he hasn’t let himself think about it. Does it do a disservice to their friendship, to how important Ben was, to imagine him as a what-might’ve-been?

“I reckon you would’ve,” White tells him, sitting up with a grunt and leaning up against the couch. Callum follows her.

“You’re the expert now are ya?”

“Sure. I’m like one of those psychic hotlines. Call now for your future.”

Callum laughs, watching her wave her hands about in the air. “Or in my case, the past.”

“Hmmm,” Whitney hums, giving him a little smile. “We’ll see.”

*

  
Ben’s sitting at a far corner table in the cafe when Callum finally sees him again. Up until now he’d done a pretty good job of being anywhere Callum wasn’t. Very impressive considering Callum can walk the entire length of Walford in the same time it takes to suture a wound.

Ironic.

“Hi,” Callum says when he gets close enough to Ben’s table that he looks up. Callum waves. “How are you?”

Ben huffs, and looks back down at his coffee cup. Callum doesn’t wait for an invitation before sitting down across from him. It takes a few long moments of Ben obviously getting more and more tense, before he snaps his head up and gives Callum a glaring look.

“What?”

“I just wanted to see you,” Callum says, making sure he’s not talking too fast. He sees Ben’s eyes flicker to his mouth to watch. “You didn’t answer my texts.”

“I don’t wanna talk, Callum.”

“Why? Because you’re deaf?” Callum touches at his ear. “You’re talking to everyone else.”

“Everyone else is different.”

“How?”

“Because they know me! Because,” Ben takes a breath to settle himself. “Because I’ve had enough of the pitying looks lately, I don’t want ‘em from you.”

“I don’t pity you,” Callum says. “I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time. And I understand that it’s - ”

“No, you don’t,” Ben bites back, shaking his head. “Just ‘cause you’re a medicine man don’t mean you know what this is like.”

“Of course not.”

“You seem like a nice guy, Callum,” Ben says, and Callum feels it like a fist in his guts. Ben is talking about him like they just met yesterday. Like they have no history, and certainly no future. “But I ain’t interested in being your mate and sharing all my problems with you. I got enough people for that.”

Callum doesn’t pull his gaze away, but he also doesn’t hide his disappointment. “I don’t want to force anything.”

“Good.”

“But we was best friends once, yeah? Don’t that mean something?”

Ben’s eyes linger on Callum’s mouth once he’s quiet, his knuckles going whiter around his cup. He lets out a sharp breath and puts his head back, talking to the ceiling. “Callum Highway.”

Callum doesn’t say anything.

“Any one tell you kindness is a curse?” Ben groans, but it doesn’t seem malicious. 

“Not recently.”

Ben laughs, making Callum’s chest swell. “Paramedic, student, motivational speaker. Anything you ain’t doing?”

“Drinking coffee,” Callum says, nodding to Ben’s cup. “You want another?”

Ben gives Callum another look he can’t decipher before gulping the dregs of his drink and passing the empty cup to Callum. “Sure, and a cake if you’re buying.”

Callum grins. That’s the Ben he remembers. 

*

Callum goes on another date with Charlie, and maybe it’s for all the wrong reasons. Charlie’s beautiful, and fun, and there’s no risk. Callum’s not in love, and he knows Charlie certainly isn’t - so what’s the harm in fooling around? Callum’s spent most of his adult life being a hopeless romantic, thinking the love of his life is around the next corner.

He’s young, and he’s just been wasting time. 

“Let’s say, double or nothing?” Charlie says when he hands Callum a handful of darts. They’d had dinner and drinks, before stopping at a pub for more drinks, which had then dissolved into a very ordinary game of pool - which was now a very ordinary game of darts.

“I didn’t know we was betting?”

“Course.”

“Okay,” Callum says slowly, looking up at Charlie with a grin. “What’re we playing for?”

“Depends what you want,” Charlie says, flirting, eyeing Callum over the top of his beer glass. 

“Another drink?”

Charlie scoffs. “C’mon, Callum, you can do better than that.”

“Alright. If I win … you come home with me.”

“Good odds for me. And if I win … you make me breakfast in the morning.”

Callum can’t help the laugh that erupts from his belly, nodding at Charlie as he goes to stand in front of the board. “You’re on.”

They play a few rounds, and Callum’s not sure they’re really keeping score. It’s not like they weren’t going to end up somewhere tonight - even if they had only made it into a dark alley last time they went out together. 

When Charlie’s taking his turn, Callum’s phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s a message from Ben. 

**where’s a good place for food?**

_it’s half eleven_

**yeah?**

Callum can’t help but smile to himself as he quickly taps out a few places he knows that are probably still operating. _had a big night, then?_

 **just a bit,** Ben replies, with a winky face, before quickly sending, **and you?**

Callum’s not sure why he decides to be honest. He’s always been serious about repairing their friendship. _on a date_ , he types out, deciding that emojis are probably taking it a bit too far. 

It takes Ben a few moments but he eventually replies, **you coulda said that, i’ll stop interrupting!** with another winky face. 

Callum is about to type back that it’s fine, when Charlie comes back with the darts and a smirk. “You didn’t watch any of that did’ya?”

“Course I did,” Callum lies, awkwardly shoving his phone back into his pocket. 

“Oh, yeah? So what was my score?”

“Uh, y’know, it was good.”

Charlie laughs, putting the darts on the table and pushing in close to Callum as he reaches for his glass. He smells good, and his hair looks so soft, and Callum has to swallow around any stupid thing he might say. “How about we get out of here?”

“Uh yeah,” Callum agrees, with a hurried nod, gulping the rest of his beer and following Charlie out the door.

They weren’t keeping score but they’re done playing games, anyway. 

*

At work they get called out to a place on the edge of town, a young girl with epilepsy who has had a seizure and hit her head on the way down. Callum always struggles working with young kids - not because they’re hard to work with, but just because it’s always struck him as so unfair.

Bumps, bruises, broken legs from being a kid and taking risks, that’s all fine.

Except more often than not it’s illness, or abuse, or some other shitty situation that no textbooks or practical experience can prepare you for. 

“Let’s go sit down,” Greg says once they’ve safely got the young girl checked into the hospital. Callum gives him a confused look but follows him over to a nearby bench anyway.

“Everything okay?” he asks, as Greg claps him on the shoulder.

“I was gonna ask you that. You looked like you were gonna panic.”

“Panic? No? I’m good.”

“You ain’t, mate, and that’s alright. You kept yourself together, you did good.”

Callum lets out a big breath that he didn’t know he was holding. Obviously he was letting on more than he had meant to - it’s something he tries to push back as much as possible, especially when he’s working. Seeing young kids like that, knowing it could have been him. “It’s just … kids, mate. It’s hard.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“I don’t know why I let it get to me so much,” he says, honestly. He’d had a crappy childhood, sure, but his dad didn’t hurt him. At least not physically. He was too smart to do that.

“You’re human, Cal. And you’re just getting started. It sounds awful but it will get easier.”

“Yeah. I just - my dad and my brother,” he starts to say, unable to hold it in. He rubs at his face, feeling Greg’s grip tighten on his shoulder. “They just didn’t give a shit about me. I weren’t part of a family, I weren’t happy. And it’s just … it’s shit, mate.”

“It is.”

“Kids should never care about nothing. Ever.”

“In a perfect world, Cal.”

Callum chuckles humourlessly. “Right.”

They sit silently together, taking stock of what Callum’s just admitted, reflecting on the day they’ve had. Callum had told the Carters about life as a Highway, but they’d been the only ones. He supposes it’s important that he’s now able to tell a friend, a colleague.

He knows it is.

“You’re good at this, Callum,” Greg tells him quietly. “For what it’s worth.”

Callum nods gratefully. Greg’s been his main mentor throughout all this, so it’s worth more than he can say. “Thanks, mate.”

“And getting cut up about it, you know … that’s good too. It means you got heart. You know what you’re here for.”

“Yeah,” Callum agrees. “I … even on me worst days I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

“I mean, we’d all rather be drinking beer and shagging, mate,” Greg says with a laugh, giving Callum one last squeeze before moving his hand away. “How about we go get a pint, huh? One out of two ain’t bad.”

*

  
Jay and Lola - trying to outdo every other domesticated couple on the square, apparently - invite Callum and Ben for dinner at their place that weekend. They’re in a nice little flat just off the main street, and (with little to no input from Jay probably) it’s a really nice little place. 

Callum goes there all the time, so it should feel like any other Saturday night. But Ben’s coming, and Callum doesn’t want to mess it up the way he has been so much lately.

It takes him over an hour just to decide what to wear.

“Fashionably late or summat?” Jay teases, taking the wine Callum hands to him without thanks and motioning for him to come in.

“Leave off, I just lost track of time.”

Jay leads him through to the dining room, where Ben and Lola are at the table having a laugh together. Ben’s got a crisp black shirt on and his eyes are sparkling, and he looks the most relaxed Callum’s seen him since he got back into Walford.

It flutters in his stomach.

“Hey guys,” he says with a wave, making sure Ben’s looking at him. Jay disappears to go pour some drinks. 

“Ah, here he is,” Ben calls, tipping his glass at Callum. “We was about to send a search party mate.”

“You brought more wine, so we forgive you,” Lola says with a laugh, coming over to kiss Callum’s cheek before heading through to the kitchen with Jay.

Callum sits across from Ben, the table all set up and some candles burning. “This is nice.”

“Yes,” Ben says, his tone teasing. “Very romantic, eh?”

“You think we’re cramping their style?”

Ben gives him an exasperated look, and rolls his eyes. “No I don’t think, Callum, since they invited us here.”

“Right.”

“Speaking of romance, how’d ya date go?”

“Oh, you know,” Callum stutters, feeling stupid for the blush heating his cheeks. “It was alright.”

“That good, huh?”

Callum opens his mouth to answer, but Jay and Lola are hollering that dinner is ready and coming through with drinks and food. They’ve made a roast that smells amazing, putting all the dishes out and letting everyone take what they want. Meat, potatoes, vegetables, sides … Callum hasn’t eaten this well in weeks.

It’s so good, and Callum has what is probably more than his fair share.

“I remember when ya mum used to cook like that,” Callum says when they’ve finished their meals, Ben watching him talk.

Ben’s eyes are soft. “Still does.”

“Oh, her corned beef mate,” Jay says, giving them a chef’s kiss. “Perfection.”

“Oh she made that once,” Callum says, clicking his fingers as he remembers. “It was my birthday, weren’t it? With homemade mustard an all.”

“Yeah,” Ben says, smiling, as if it’s all coming back to him, too. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“Course. I remember everything your family did for me. It was important.”

“Right,” Ben says in a gritty drawl, taking a sip of his drink. He seems to turn into himself, his walls going up. “Is that why you never wrote me?”

Callum feels like he’s been hit upside the head. His vision seems to blur, and his hand goes onto the table to keep himself steady, keep himself sane. All he manages to say is, “What?”

“Well, you begged me to write, and I did.”

“You did.” Callum repeats dumbly.

“Oh, come off it Callum,” Ben scoffs at him, throwing down the napkin he’d had in his lap. He sits up and points at Callum like he’s accusing him of something. “Ya know I did. I wrote you, I called you.”

“I never - _what are you talking about_?”

“You act like our friendship was so bloody important, but you never tried. You just … gave up.”

Callum’s vaguely aware of Jay stuttering something like, “We’ll just give you a moment,” before he and Lola disappear. Callum’s not really paying attention. He and Ben are locked in a tense, disbelieving stare that Callum just can’t get his head around.

“I don’t know what ya talking about,” Callum says slowly, feeling heavy headed and hazy, as if all of this is just a very real dream. “You left and then I never heard from ya. I didn’t know where you went.”

This time, Ben doesn’t snap back at him. “You never read my letters?”

“No.”

“Ya dad never told ya I called?”

“Never.”

Ben throws his head back, pressing his palms into his eyes and letting out a long, groaning, “ _Fuck_.”

“You mean you …” Callum says quietly, but then realises Ben can’t hear him. He just sits there in shock for a moment, his mouth half hanging open. 

After more than a decade of thinking his best mate had just left him behind, just dumped him and moved on with his life without a second thought … Callum swears to himself. His dad. Of course it had been his dad. He’d never liked Ben, and he’d never been afraid to let Callum know.

“I’m sorry,” Ben says eventually. “All this time, and …”

“Yeah,” Callum says stupidly.

“To be clear, those were some good letters. Great penmanship.”

Callum can’t help but laugh, grateful to Ben for taking off some of the edge. “I’m sure they were.”

“Not bad for a little kid who nearly failed school.”

“Well, that was you,” Callum says, settling into his chair and smiling back at Ben. “Only worried about it if ya heart was in it.”

“Right.” Ben taps his chest. “This old thing. Not sure it’s got a letter in it no more.”

They share a soft look, and Callum knows Ben’s being serious. At least as serious as he can be, with all those walls he’s built up. Callum feels so glad to be seeing more of it at last. More of the real Ben. “Maybe one day.”

“Maybe.”

*

Over the next few days, Callum’s distracted with thoughts of the past, and Ben. He starts to remember so many little things. The way Ben used to fold his sandwiches before eating them. The way he taught Callum to skip rocks at the lake. How they’d spent almost a whole lunch break having a staring contest down behind the science buildings. 

Callum had mapped that freckly face into his memory. 

It’s this, maybe, that leads him to the Mitchells’ door one day after finishing work early. Callum’s hands tremble when he knocks on the door, and it amazes him how this has happened. How he stayed in Walford, grew up in Walford, and yet the Mitchells come back and he’s a needy little kid again.

“Sit, sit, sit,” Kathy tells him when she leads him into the house, unable to contain her glee. “I’ll put the kettle on.”

“So you kept the place, then?” Callum asks, the sight and smell of their kitchen transporting him to all those years ago. It looks almost exactly like he remembered it. “When you left?”

“Yeah, don’t ask me how Phil managed it.”

“I never really got to know the people that took it over.”

“There was a few over the years, as far as I know,” Kathy says, pulling some cups down from the cupboard. “Luckily it’s been well cared for.”

They chat idly for a while, Kathy making a pot of tea and offering some biscuits. Callum listens eagerly as she fills him in on their lives in America - though he knows she’s skimming over the worst parts. From what he’s heard, Kathy and Phil only had a few more years of marriage in them before it all went sideways.

Callum wonders selfishly why she hadn’t brought Ben home back then. He would never ask. 

“Jay and Lola had me and Ben round for dinner,” he hears himself tell her when there’s a lull in conversation. 

“That’s right, Ben told me. Sounds like you had a nice night.”

“We did. It, uh … got us talking, y’know. About the good old days or whatever,” Callum says with a small chuckle, both of them knowing that it hadn’t been all that good for him. 

“Oh, yeah?” Kathy smiles. “When you two were a regular Laurel and Hardy.”

“Two stooges,” Callum agrees with a laugh. “Yeah. Ben … he told me he’d tried to write me. Call.”

Kathy gives him a gentle, knowing look and reaches out to pat at his hand. “Yeah. He was cut up about it for a while.”

“I didn’t know,” he tells her, almost pleadingly, not wanting her to think the worst of him. She’d been the only real mother figure he’d known, apart from Linda - the only woman who’d cared for him when he was a child. Hell, the only adult.

She’d always hold a special place in his heart. 

“I know, I know that Callum. I tried to reach out to ya dad at one stage but he’d never talk to me.”

Callum lets out an angry hiss. “Bastard.”

“We used to say you was best friends, like brothers, but ya dad … I donno, he saw something else.”

“That I was gay.”

Kathy shrugs. “Or that Ben was. Which don’t matter anyway ‘cause you was just little kids. But he was stuck in his ways …”

“Yeah.” Callum and his dad never talked about Callum being gay, but there had been enough spiteful comments made for Callum to get the gist. His dad knew he was different, and he hated Callum for it.

“I assumed that’s why Ben never heard from ya, in the end,” Kathy says eventually, still grasping onto Callum’s hand. “But, I donno. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that. I guess I should’ve.”

“Weren’t your fault.”

“Well, we’re back now and you and Ben are friends again,” she says cheerily, reaching to clear their mess. “Nothing to stand in ya way now, huh?”

Callum smiles at her, ignoring the flip of his stomach as he stands to help her clean up. “That’s right.”

*

Callum’s in the middle of Whit’s flat with his arms outstretched on either side and Tiff gleefully taking photos. Whit was starting to pursue her interest in design and apparently Callum was the only person around that could possibly help.

He wasn’t so sure.

“Ouch!” he yells when she stabs him with one of her pins. Again. 

“Sorry, sorry, I just have to …”

“Is this gonna take much longer? I got an assignment I need to get done,” he tells her, and it’s not a complete lie. It’s done, he just hasn’t sent it to his teacher yet. And it’s not due until tomorrow.

“Five more minutes, alright?”

“Stop being such a whiny baby,” Tiff teases, lounged on an armchair and still taking photos on her phone. Callum’s extra glad he’s not on social media and she can’t tag him in anything she posts.

“Stop being a pain in the aaaah!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Whit says, but he can clearly see she’s grinning. “I have to get the measurements right, and you’re being all twitchy.”

“You try having someone poke sharp things at you!”

“We’re women,” Tiff drones. “We go through more pain than you’ll feel in ya lifetime, mate.”

“I’ll grab a pin and test that theory, shall I?”

Tiff flips him the bird and finally, thankfully, disappears. Whit’s good to her word, and after a few more minutes she’s finally setting him free. He’s sure it’s not a good sign that his arms ache from holding them up so long.

Maybe he needs to get back to the gym.

“How’s things with Prince Charming?” Whit asks teasingly as Callum goes for his phone. Apparently when she’d seen a photo of Charlie it made her think of every generic Disney prince ever created. Callum wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“Alright,” as he opens a text from Ben. “S’posed to be meeting up tomorrow.”

Ben’s message reads, _E20 with jay and lo tomorrow night?_

 _Going out with someone,_ he replies vaguely.

“So, is it serious?” Whit presses, laying out some material at her sewing machine. 

“I donno,” Callum says. Which is probably a lie, and she’s his best friend. She deserves better than that. “I mean, I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“We have fun together, but … I donno, that’s about as far as it goes.”

Callum’s phone buzzes and he quickly checks it to find another message from Ben.

 **bring him along** , it says, which makes Callum roll his eyes. He remembers when they were kids, how Ben always had Callum wrapped around his finger. C’mon let’s do this, no don’t do that, how about we go do something else.

Ben’s way or the highway. 

“Oh well, maybe that’ll change.”

“I guess.”

_alright, I’ll ask him._

*

Charlie’s more than happy to come along to E20, and Callum’s not surprised. He’s one of the most easy-going guys Callum’s ever met. It’s part of the reason why Callum doesn’t see this going anywhere - he’s not sure Charlie’s been serious about anything in his whole life.

Or maybe Callum’s just too serious.

“I wanna touch his face,” Lola tells Callum while they’re lined up for more drinks at the bar. Charlie, Jay and Ben are at the table, Jay telling a very animated story about something that involves swinging his arms in big circles.

“What?”

“Ya boyfriend. He’s just ... so good looking. I wanna see if he’s made outta plastic.”

“He ain’t my boyfriend,” Callum says, as if that’s the most ridiculous thing she said. “And no, he ain’t plastic.”

Lola scoffs at him. “Right, sorry. The bloke you’re shagging that you casually brought along to meet ya friends.”

“Ben told me to!”

“And you’d rather do this than be alone with ya Ken Doll?” Lola teases, a grin curling wide like she’s the cheshire cat. “Is he a lousy lay or summat?”

“No.”

“Then I’m confused.”

“Confused about what?” Charlie says from behind Callum, coming up to wrap an arm around Callum’s waist. Lola just keeps smiling, lying easily as she tells him, 

“About the difference between a Slippery Nipple and a Slippery When Wet.”

Charlie laughs, putting an arm around Callum’s shoulder to ask, “Didn’t you used to be a bartender?”

“At the pub!” he protests. “Cocktails ain’t on the menu there.”

“I’ll grab these and meet you boys back at the table,” Lola tells them, while Charlie is spinning Callum around and holding him by the waist. It’s a more intimate display then Callum’s used to, other than The Albert, he almost feels like there are eyes on them. 

“Would it be rude to leave after this round?”

“You ain’t having fun?”

“Yeah, ‘course, your friends are great,” Charlie says in a low voice, getting his face in even closer. “Just looking forward to getting you alone.”

Callum feels the heat of it pool at his throat, a hand now on Charlie’s side to keep himself steady. “Okay, well, let’s just get through this drink first yeah?”

“Alright,” Charlie groans, but he’s smiling, touching at Callum. “Gonna give me a little taste though, something to tie me over?”

Callum huffs into it as Charlie kisses him, quick and chaste and tasting whiskey. When they get back to the table, Jay and Lola give them a hard time for taking so long, and Ben just looks at Callum with a blank expression.

“Alright?” he asks, and Ben just nods and takes a gulp of his beer.

“Never better,” he says, clapping his hand on Callum’s shoulder and leaving it there.

It’s warm.

*

Callum has a study day the following week, a chance to get a few things finished up before his next block of practical work. He does a solid few hours before his stomach rumbles at him for lunch, and he decides to head to the cafe and treat himself to something.

It’s only when he’s out the door he realises he’s bought way more than he needs and he decides to stop at Ben’s garage and see if he’s interested in sharing.

(Just a last minute idea, he tells himself.)

There’s a doorbell to press, now, before entering the garage, and Callum’s confused right up to the point where he sees Ben walking over and looking at his watch.

He must have the bell hooked up to it - alerting him when someone arrives.

Callum’s chest swells with something like pride.

“Hi,” he says with a wave, holding up the paper bag full of sandwiches and pastries. “Lunch?”

“Uh.” Ben looks startled and, for a fleeting moment maybe even worried. Callum’s smile falters. “Sure. You wanna come sit down?”

Ben’s got an old desk and a couple of squeaky chairs and he pushes some papers aside so Callum can get their lunch out. Ben rustles up some cups and water from somewhere and eventually they’re settling in for a meal - an indoor picnic that Callum’s sure Jay would laugh at if he were here.

He makes sure Ben’s looking at him when he says, “I got sick of studying.”

“Ah, so it weren’t your overactive kindness,” Ben teases. “You just needed an excuse to get out the house.”

“I was being nice too.”

“Right. I don’t doubt it.”

Callum knows he’s not joking, and ducks his head shyly. “How’s your day?” he asks, deflecting. 

“Alright. Working on a bit of a tricky motor.”

“I ain’t holding you up?”

“Nah, nah. I needed a break too.” Ben picks at some salad hanging from his sandwich before going on. “Me mum told me you were there the other day.”

“Oh, yeah. It was good to see her.”

“Did she tell you much, about me dad and everything?”

There’s a worried dip in Ben’s voice, and he looks away from Callum a moment like he doesn’t actually want to know. When he looks back, Callum just shakes his head.

“Not much about ya dad. You and Lou, mostly.”

“Right.”

“I mean … is that okay?”

“Course. I just …” Ben grinds a palm into his eye, giving a little groan. “Back when we was kids I know you had a hard time with ya dad. And I feel bad … I mean, it weren’t right that I never told ya about mine. I just couldn’t.”

“It don’t matter.”

“If I were gonna tell any one it woulda been you,” he says quietly and Callum smiles. 

“I know.”

“He weren’t like your dad, really. I mean he was hardly around, for starters. Work was more important than his kids.”

“Ben…” Callum reaches out to grasp a hand over Ben’s, squeezing. Ben doesn’t flinch from the touch, which is a welcome change. He knows how much Ben used to hate exposing himself emotionally. He realises how much Ben’s still the same kid in a lot of ways. 

“It’s funny how you can spend so much of ya life wishing that one person would love ya, y’know? Just love ya for who ya are.”

Callum squeezes Ben’s hand a little more, giving him a small nod. He knows exactly what Ben means. 

“And sometimes they turn out to be the one person who don’t deserve it … Jesus,” Ben says around a small laugh, throwing down the rest of his uneaten lunch. “What is it about you, huh? Got me spilling my guts like I’m on _This Morning_.”

Callum just smiles at him, not sure how to tell Ben how glad that makes him. Not sure how to say, since I saw you again, since I found out our friendship had meant as much to you - that’s all I’ve wanted to do.

Be the person you were for me.

Be important. 

*

Callum doesn’t sleep much that night, and not a lot the one after. There’s a neverending loop running through his head, _BenBenBenBen_ \- the echo of who they were as kids and what they are now. Callum knows he loved Ben, once, even if he didn’t know what it meant.

“Alright, out with it,” Jay says after they’ve had their third beer and Callum’s barely said a word to him. “This was your idea and you’re just sat there like a rock giving me nothing.”

“I know, I know,” Callum concedes, waving a hand. “I’m sorry, mate, I just …”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he lies, then quickly adds, “It’s Ben.”

“There’s something wrong with Ben?”

“No, no, there’s something wrong with _me_. And it’s about Ben.”

Jay looks as confused as Callum’s ever seen him, blinking slowly. “You’re gonna have to give me more than that.”

“You know. Me. Ben.”

“You. Ben,” Jay says slowly, and thankfully he doesn’t have a mouth full of beer when he chokes out, “ _You hooked up with Ben_?”

“No! No.” Callum feels the thought of it simmer at his skin. “I care about Ben. I mean, I’ve always cared about Ben but now … it’s different.”

“Oh, oh right. Well, have you told him that?”

“Course not. How’d that look? Hey, Ben, I know you just got back to town and we barely know each other no more but how do you feel about dating me because I’m a total loser who never got over you?”

“Well, I wouldn’t use those words.” Jay gulps at his drink. “But even if he don’t feel the same, at least you’ve tried.”

“Nah. No. It’s too soon. It’s stupid.”

“It ain’t stupid to _like_ someone, Callum.”

“No,” Callum agrees, but the problem is Jay makes it sound so simple. Simpler than the fact Ben all but carved his name into Callum’s bones ten years ago and it never healed over. Simpler than the fact that Callum feels like this is all misplaced, and he’s making Ben responsible for all his unresolved issues.

Or maybe Jay’s right and Callum just likes him. 

“Uh, speaking of liking people, what happened to ya friend? The Disney character?”

Callum scoffs at him, pulling on his collar. Charlie had been as decent about that as about everything. “I told him I had fun but I didn’t want to … keep going.”

“Right.”

“See! You think I’m a heartless loser.”

“I don’t think you’re heartless,” Jay says with a teasing smile, nudging at Callum with an elbow. “Come on, you’re overthinking this. You’re old mates, you like him … you might as well try, right? The worst he can do is say no thanks and you can both move on.”

Callum doesn’t say anything. He’d already spent ten plus years moving on, he’s not sure he can handle doing it all over again. 

*

Ben’s a beautiful man, that fact hasn’t escaped Callum. He has bright eyes and a sweet mouth and a firm, stocky build that Callum’s thought about touching once or twice since they reunited. He wears softly laundered clothes that smell of musky cologne and he does this thing where he sweeps his tongue out when he’s thinking.

Callum’s noticed a lot about him.

Callum’s thought a lot about him.

“We’ve never talked about your hearing loss,” he says to Ben when they meet up for a beer at The Vic. He knows what it means now to want to know more about Ben, to want to know about everything he missed. “I mean, how …”

Callum trails off but it doesn’t matter. Ben understands what he’s asking, sighing and his shoulders slumping just a little. “Well, I lost it partly in high school. I, uh, got caught in a rip, nearly drowned.”

“ _Ben_.”

“Yeah, but I had a small hearing aid and it wasn’t too bad, y’know? Got good at reading lips, didn’t notice it so much.”

“But it got worse?”

Be makes a face. “Well, last year I got into a brawl. Just … a stupid, drunken mess with my mates. And some big bloke pushed me and I went down hard on some bricks … and well, fucked the rest of it I guess.”

Callum can’t stop himself from reaching across the table to put his hand on Ben’s. Ben looks at it, then looks up, smiling softly. “I’m sorry. Like you said, I got no idea how that must be.”

Ben shrugs, and pulls his hand out from Callum’s. He worries for a fleeting moment, until Ben uses both hands to sign a few words while he tells Callum, “I’m starting to accept it. Doctor said surgery probably won’t work, so …”

“You’re learning sign language?” Callum asks, dumbfounded.

Ben brings his thumb and forefinger up and smiles cheekily. “A bit.”

“That’s really cool. Maybe ... “ Callum looks nervously down at his glass and then back at Ben. “Maybe I could learn with ya.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know, but … it’d be good to have other ways to talk to ya. Instead of you having to work it out on your own.”

The look Ben gives him makes Callum feel a little hot under his collar. It’s focussed, and intense, and he realises that no one has ever looked at him like that. He doesn’t know what it means.

“I was wondering … “ Callum suddenly feels himself spit out, not able to stop it now. “Do you wanna go to The Albert with me? This weekend, maybe?”

“Sure. Jay and Lola too?”

“I meant …” Callum stammers, and if he wasn’t blushing before he definitely is now. “I thought just me and you could go. Like a date.”

“A date.” Ben repeats, and Callum’s not sure if it’s because he didn’t catch the words. He nods.

“Yeah. Would that … I mean, if you want.”

“What about the bloke ya seeing?”

“I ain’t seeing him no more.”

“Oh.” Callum knows at once that the next words out of Ben’s mouth aren’t going to be, _I’d love to_. His face shutters, like curtains closing. He smiles, but it’s crooked and faltering. “Look, Callum … you’re a great friend and I’m glad we’re … friends again. I just don’t think it’s a good idea, y’know?”

Callum means to say, _yep, absolutely, let’s just be friends_. He means to make an excuse to hurry out of there and stop the embarrassment as quickly as possible. Instead he hears himself ask, “Why?” like the idiot he is. 

“Just … we’re mates yeah? I don’t want to ruin that.”

“You’re just assuming we’ll mess it up?”

Ben tilts his chin, and the grin he gives Callum isn’t an amused one. “No, I’m assuming _I’ll_ mess it up.”

“Ben, that’s - ”

“Trust me. I could give ya the numbers of all my exes. They’d have plenty to tell you.”

What was humiliation is starting to turn into frustration. Callum huffs a little, shaking his head. “You can just tell me you ain’t interested.”

Ben lets out a little cough of a laugh that Callum doesn’t know what to do with. He looks away for a moment, cutting his gaze back to Callum to say, flatly, “I ain’t interested. Alright?”

“Alright. Well … I gotta go, so …” Callum grabs his glass to take a final gulp of his beer, throwing it all back.

“Callum,” Ben starts to say, but Callum waves a hand at him as he gets out of his chair.

“No, I’m good. I’ll see you later.”

*

The Carters had taken off last year with a caravan strapped to their car and a boot full of all their belongings. Apparently it had all gotten too much for them - the business, the Square, the years of trudging through their trauma - and they just took off. It had been hard for Callum, in the beginning, hard to farewell the only family he’d known. Again.

Except Callum had school, and work, and Jay and Whit.

Callum had purpose, and nothing to run away from any more.

He doesn’t regret staying.

“You’re like a bear with a sore head today,” Greg tells Callum when they’re sat on the side of the road eating lunch in the ambulance. “Big night?”

“No,” Callum says around a mouthful of sandwich, catching some mayo on the side of his mouth. “Just having a bad day.”

“Thought you’d be excited. Aren’t you finished school this week?”

“Yeah, one more assignment to get in.”

“See?” Greg hollers, punching at Callum’s thigh and managing to get a small smile out of him. “No need for that long face.”

“Alright. Two heart attacks and a broken leg is just not a fun start to the morning, yeah?”

“Sure.” It’s no surprise that Greg can see right through him. He’d seen enough of Callum in high pressure situations to know that they could have a dozen calls outs worse than these and he’d still be more than happy.

Callum groans. “It’s just bloke stuff, okay?”

“Ah, I see.”

“Shut up.”

“What? I’m a grown man,” Greg says haughtily, touching at his chest. “I have feelings, too. Just because I’m not a connoisseur of the male species don’t mean I can’t - ”

“ _Please stop._ ”

“C’mon, tell Uncle Greggy all about the man who hurt my boy.”

“Alright, now it’s just getting creepy.” Callum pulls a face and abandons what’s left of his lunch. Greg’s a great guy, and if he thought it would help Callum would talk to him about everything. Ben and their history and their apparent lack of a future.

Ben and … everything.

“No, seriously. Do you want to talk about it?”

Calllum shrugs. “Nothing to talk about.”

“Right, and there’s not a big river in … Egypt somewhere.”

“Christ, would you just finish eating and drive please?”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Graduate Paramedic,” Greg teases, throwing his rubbish somewhere and starting the engine. “Just because you’re not the little guy for much longer don’t mean you can order your superiors around.”

“Don’t mean I won’t try, though.”

*

Greg wasn’t wrong. Callum is excited when his teacher has signed off on the last of his work. Greg gathers all their coworkers, and Callum gather’s everyone else, and they swarm The Albert to celebrate Callum being a fully fledged paramedic at last.

Callum mostly just wants to get drunk.

“Can you be my on-call doctor, then?” Lola asks him as they wait for more beers by the bar.

“I ain’t a doctor.”

She shrugs. “Close enough. Easier to call you when Jay’s trying to do some DIY and ends up needing stitches.”

“Lo, seriously, I’m not qualified to - ”

“Hey,” Whit interrupts, throwing an arm around Callum and talking into his ear. “I know I ain’t met him yet but isn’t that your lost prince that just walked in?”

“My who?” Callum asks, turning around and half expecting to see Charlie standing there. It’s not. It’s Ben, standing by the door and talking to Jay. “What’s he doing here?”

Whit shrugs but Lola pipes up with, “Jay told him to get his head out his arse and come see you.”

“Right.”

Callum downs another pint of beer before working up the courage to go over and see Ben. He’s working his way through the crowds, talking to a lot of different men - and it sits sour in Callum’s gut like, _why not me, why not us._

When he finally reaches Ben, his smile is unsure. “Hey.”

“You made it,” Callum says stupidly.

“Course I did.” Ben motions to his empty glass. “What’re you drinking?”

“Just beer.”

“Alright, I’ll get you one. My way of saying congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

They circle around each other for an hour, or more - Callum always keeping his eye on Ben and Ben never straying too far away. Callum dances with everyone else, Greg and Lola and Whit and Jay and some cute stranger who tries to pick Callum up.

Callum’s stumbling out his excuses to the guy when he realises Ben’s watching him.

Seeing the look on his face makes Callum push his way out of the crowd and straight to him.

“I’ve had enough. You wanna walk me home?” he asks Ben, a hand firm on his shoulder and his face close. “Please?”

“Callum,” Ben says in a warning tone, but Callum doesn’t care. He’s not drunk, but he’s had enough to let go of some of his inhibitions. To call out Ben for his lies.

He is interested. Callum can feel it. 

_“Please?”_

Ben could probably argue that there’s a dozen other people better suited for that job, but Callum’s glad when he just says, alright, and leads Callum out of there. They don’t talk as they walk across the Square, or as they scuff their shoes down Callum’s street in the dim light of the street lamps. 

They don’t talk as Callum fumbles with his keys and gets his front door open, pulling Ben into his flat by his shirt front.

They don’t talk as Callum pushes Ben against a wall, and their mouths are close, so close they breathe the same air.

“Ben,” Callum says in something like awe, because he hasn’t wanted anything in his life more than he wants this right now.

When they kiss, it’s not trumpets and fireworks. It’s rough and punishing, their teeth clacking as they collide. They just press for long moments, until Callum gets his tongue in Ben’s mouth, feels the warmth, tastes the whiskey he’d obviously been drinking.

“Callum,” Ben groans, tipping his head back and letting Callum graze his teeth and lips and stubble over his throat. He pushes his hips up, pulls Callum closer by his waist, lets Callum feel his swelling cock against his thigh.

Callum’s glad his place is so small. It takes no time to pull Ben into his room, to get him flat on his back on Callum’s bed. Ben looks up at him with heavy-lidded eyes, and licks his lips as he starts to undo his jeans. 

“C’mon then,” he says with a cocky grin, and Callum collapses on top of him, taking his mouth roughly for another kiss.

Callum knows he’s not going to last long, but he can’t bring himself to slow it down. He undoes his own fly, and soon they both have their hard, leaking dicks out, Callum taking them both in one hand.

“Jesus,” Ben calls to the ceiling, arching his back, digging blunt nails into the flesh of Callum’s lower back as he works them over.

Callum watches Ben’s face, the pull of his throat and curl of his mouth, the way his mouth opens just enough to make these breathy ah ah ah sounds as Callum strokes him. He thrusts into it too, rolls his hips like he knows just what he’s doing, the friction causing most of Callum’s brain to malfunction.

He feels his orgasm start low in his belly, his balls, before it explodes over every inch of him and pulls him into some other state of being. He’s vaguely aware of Ben coming too, collapsing on top of him and moving in so close it’s a wonder either of them can breathe.

For one staticky moment he stops existing as anything else but this.

“Ben,” Callum says, even though Ben can’t hear him and isn’t watching his lips. “Ben, Ben, Ben.”

Mostly it just feels good to say it.

To be allowed.

*

Callum wakes up alone the next morning. It doesn’t surprise him, but it does hollow him out a little. There’d been a lot he wanted to tell Ben, so many things he wanted to talk about. Trying to have him back in his life is like trying to catch steam, always changing, always out of his reach.

When he checks his phone, there’s nothing from Ben. Only a dozen disappointed messages from others about him leaving The Albert early.

And a text from Jay. _I saw you leave with Ben._

Callum calls him.

“Hullo, Qualified Paramedic,” he answers, way too chirpily. Callum can’t help but roll his eyes, getting out of bed to go and make some coffee. 

“Morning.”

“How’s the head?”

“Fine. I stopped drinking long before you did, I should be asking you that.”

“I’m Robin Hood, mate. Iron Guts Brown is what they call me.”

Callum scoffs. “Right, tell that to my loo the morning after my house party.”

“Hey! I was given Baileys, that weren’t my fault.”

“Sure, sure.”

Jay makes a mocking sound at him, obviously still sore about the fact his hangover streak had ended that day. Callum should be the one that hates the memory - he had to clean up after him. “Anyway, are you just calling to tell me you’re alive or is there another reason I’m being blessed with your voice?”

“Uh, I donno.”

“You don’t know,” Jay repeats slowly, the ‘you’re a nutter’ not said but heavily implied.

“Well I do, I just donno if ya wanna hear it.”

“Right. So I’m guessing it’s about the message saying I saw you leave with Ben.”

“Yeah,” Callum says with a heavy sigh, putting the now full kettle back on the boil.

“And I’m guessing Ben didn’t walk you home, give you a gentlemanly handshake and say goodnight.”

“No.”

“And I’m guessing he ain’t there now.”

“You’re good at this game,” Callum says with a sigh, and slumps onto a kitchen chair. “What do I do, Jay?”

Jay lets out a long, tortured breath. “Ya both idiots.”

“Thanks, that’s helpful.”

“I’m serious! You want him, he wants you, but you’re just punishin’ yaselves for something that happened forever ago.”

“That’s not - ” Callum tries to say, but Jay just talks over him. 

“And it weren’t your fault, and it weren’t his, so there’s no point in letting it between ya, is there?”

“It’s not - ”

“So hang up, and go speak to Ben instead, yeah?”

“Jay,” Callum says, but he’s only met with the dial tone. He curses, and stares at his blank screen. Obviously Jay has had enough of being the piggy in the middle. 

Callum doesn’t speak to Ben. He’s too much of a coward.

But he does send him a message. 

_last night was important to me. give me a call. please?_

  
*

Callum’s got a lot of his artworks stashed away in boxes or hidden in his drawers. He’s got some of his bigger pieces that he did in class - as well as throw away sketches of his friends, and family (the Carters, mostly, his mum as he remembers her before he finally let go). 

He doesn’t draw as much these days. He’s got plenty of excuses - no time, no inspiration - but he’s not sure he can explain it to himself. He’d always told himself it was just a hobby.

Whit, on the other hand, was going to see her dreams of fashion design become a real thing. And Callum was sickeningly proud.

“It looks amazing,” he tells her when they put the last touches on her clothing stall in the Square. 

“Thank you,” she says excitedly, wrapping an arm around him and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “For everything.”

“Course. I can’t wait to see you working ya butt off here.”

“You better believe it.”

“You still need help with that stuff tomorrow?” he asks, checking his watch to make sure he’s not running late for his shift. Whit had got him out here at the crack of dawn, but the morning had disappeared fast.

“Will that be okay? Just a few more boxes and I’m done.”

“Sure. I got the late shift so any time before lunch.”

“Oh, you got so much free time now that you ain’t a hermit no more?” Whit says, wriggling her eyebrows at him. 

“You better believe it. Normal sleep schedule here I come.”

“Oh my god, you grandpa,” she crows. “I was thinking like, more opportunities to date.”

Callum feels his stomach drop. Before all this mess with Ben, everyone’s obsession with him finding a man didn’t bother him all that much. Right now it’s the last thing he wants to think about. “Now why would I want to ruin a good thing, huh?”

“Well.” Whit hits him with a look, taking a gulp of her coffee. “If you’re not hung up on that Ben like you claim, you might be into it.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m just saying. Have you even talked to him?”

“He ain’t talking to me,” Callum feels the need to point out. “And it don’t matter anyway. I’ve got work, I’ve got you to entertain me. What more do I need?”

“I can think of one or two things I ain’t got that you want.”

“Whitney!”

“What? You’re a big boy. If you can’t talk about it you shouldn’t be doing it.”

“I’m not doing it,” he grumbles, and Whitney just coos at him and comes in for a hug. He holds her tight, and smiles into her shoulder. “Thanks, Whit.”

“For what?” she says with a smile, pulling back a little.

“For just … being here,” he tells her, smiling back. They’ve been best of friends for years now, she’s his family, his heart. “I love you.”

Her eyes are a little misty and her smile wide when she says, “I love you too, Callum.”

*

It’s only a week or so in the end, ten days. As much as Callum wanted to see Ben, he didn’t push it - there was still a lot he had to learn about Ben, but the fact that he hated being cornered was not a secret to any one. 

Then Callum walks into Jay’s place on a Tuesday night and Ben’s sitting on his couch with a bottle of beer. When he looks up and sees Callum, he curses.

Callum almost wants to laugh.

“Seriously?”

“Hey.” Callum throws up his hands. “I had no idea.”

“He didn’t,” Jay says, coming over to them both. He points a finger at them both like they’re being accused of something. “But I’ve had enough. You got the place for a half hour to sort your bollocks. After that I’m locking you both in a coffin at the parlour.”

Callum and Ben both throw him a disgusted look.

Jay just goes.

“Look,” Ben says when it’s just the two of them, standing in the middle of the room like some Wild West Showdown. “I didn’t plan to run out on ya like that.”

“Right.”

“I didn’t. But I … we were both drunk and I didn’t want to deal with the fallout, okay?”

“What fallout? “ Callum snaps with a frown, throwing out his hands. “Breakfast?”

“No. The … the _conversation_ , the ‘what are we doing’. I didn’t have answers to that. I still don’t.”

“What, and you think I do?”

Ben sighs, rubbing a hand over his hair. Callum hates how he notices all the little ticks, the little things that he does when he’s frustrated. He hates that he likes it. “I think you’re in a different place than I am, that’s all.”

“What place?”

“The place where you like a guy, you date a guy, it all goes smooth.”

Callum splutters at him, and he’s sure Ben realises the mistake of what he’s said. “Sure Ben, that’s a way to describe my life. Smooth.”

“I ain’t saying you’ve had it easy. I just mean … you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. I’m not some innocent little boy who lives down the street - ”

“Don’t do that - ”

“You got no idea, Callum!”

“Try me,” he says stubbornly, folding his arms.

“You think … Christ.” Ben tips his head back and growls at the ceiling. “You had a shitty family, and your only mate abandoned you and you still turned out to be the nicest bloke I ever met.”

“So?”

“So, so … this, the garage, it’s the first good thing I’ve done with my life and I’m already screwing it up.”

Callum softens at those words, the most genuine thing Ben’s admitted since he got here. “How?”

“I’m bleeding money, I can’t get any partners,”

“It’s a new business …” Callum tries to reassure, but Ben throws his hands up, palms out.

“Stop, just stop. Your endless faith in people, it’s exhausting.”

“Not in people, in you.”

“Why?”

“Because … because you saw a lonely, sad kid and you gave him a friend. A _family_.”

“That was a long time ago,” Ben says, a little softer now. “I’ve done a lot of dumb things since then. Ripping people off, threatening people …”

“Are you still doing that?”

“No, but,”

“Then I don’t care!”

 _“I do, I_ care, because … “ Ben takes a deep breath and just lets it all out. Callum wonders how long he’s been holding onto it, how long and deep he’s buried it. “Because when I was 16 years old and dad put a knife in my hand and told me to go lift some woman’s purse I just, I’d had enough. And I wrote to you and I told you everything. I told you that I was lost, and miserable, and if you wanted me to I’d work out a way to get back to Walford and we could disappear. I wanted that, I just wanted you to say what you’re saying to me right now.”

“Ben,” Callum says, feeling the words thick and scratching at his throat. He goes to reach for him but Ben steps back a little, wiping at his face.

“I can’t let that happen again. I can’t need you like that, not if it doesn’t work out, not if you can’t …”

“Hey.” This time when Callum moves, Ben collapses into him and clings at his shoulders. Callum wraps his arms around him, soothes a hand up and down his back, strokes a cheek over Ben’s head. Holds him.

“I don’t wanna lose you again,” Ben says thickly into Callum’s shirt, Callum feeling the warmth of him at his chest. “And … you deserve better than all this. Better than me.”

“No,” Callum says, then pulls away enough for Ben to see him speak. “No. I deserve the chance to try. And so do you. And maybe it won’t work out but it won’t be because we didn’t try, yeah?”

“Callum,”

“Please, Ben. Believe me. I ain’t going anywhere, and I ain’t going to let you go either.”

Ben blinks at him, eyes red around the edges and softening at last. Though his smile is still hesitant it’s open, and honest, fingers digging a little deeper into Callum’s skin as he finally says, “Yeah, alright.”

“Alright,” Callum says back to him, softly, wiping at his cheek before leaning in for a kiss. It’s slow and gentle and nothing like their first, and when Ben groans into it Callum surges forward.

He tastes minty and sweet, and Callum’s tongue catches on his teeth and before he realises what he’s doing Callum’s got him pressed up against a wall, bracketing him, keeping him. “Alright?” he says again, this time a question.

“Better than,” Ben says with a smile, and leans up for another kiss.

  
_Epilogue_.

  
Callum’s place is a little messier these days. There’s dirty dishes in the sink and the TV’s playing quietly in the sitting room, and the bathroom tap is dripping in a rhythm. There’s some clothes strewn around, Callum’s uniform half hanging out of his laundry basket, a framed photo lopsided on the wall.

In the bedroom, Ben’s pushing into him - Callum’s knees up and his feet pressed into Ben’s lower back. He arches, gasps and lets out a groan as Ben slides into him; slow, and slower, until he bottoms out.

“Fuuuuuck,” he groans at the ceiling, his whole body frozen like that, so tight, so tense, so full. He hears Ben trying to steady himself, trying to catch his breath, telling Callum,

“I gotta,” before he slowly pulls out again, tries to find a balance. 

Callum feels it in his chest, grabbing at the sheets and at Ben as Ben pushes back in and finds a better angle, a faster pace. He’s muttering nonsense at Callum, _yeah, yeah, feels good,_ as he pushes and pushes and pushes, the bed groaning under their heaving.

Callum tries to lift, tries to give back, but it’s been so long since he’d done this he can do little else than take it. He touches at Ben’s stomach, grazes fingers over a nipple, gets Ben to look at him when he says,

“Feels so good, Ben.”

Ben grins, and nods, and crashes in for a kiss, before twisting and grinding and hitting a spot inside Callum that forces all of the air out of him.

“Do that again,” he demands, Ben letting out a little laugh, and he rolls his hips and keeps at it, keeps working him over. 

It’s not long before Callum is teetering at the edge, every inch of him shaking with the sensation of Ben inside him, against him, tangled with him. It’s sizzling heat from the inside out, his whole body pulsing, his cock leaking as he takes himself in hand.

In the end it’s only a few fast, unforgiving strokes before he’s shouting and shaking and shattering to pieces, dimly aware of Ben finishing off inside him.

He drifts for a moment, only coming round when Ben is crawling back onto the bed. “Amazing,” he says quietly, so Ben can see it. Ben grins, pressing against Callum’s side.

“Y’know you shouldn’t’ve let me do that.”

Callum turns enough to speak to Ben, using some of the few sign words he’s learnt so far. “What? Why?”

“Well, we’ll be doing it all the time now. All over the place. We’ll never get any work done,” Ben says and signs back. Callum grins.

“Is that supposed to be a bad thing?”

Ben laughs, tangling their legs together to lean in for a kiss. Slow and sensual and promising. Callum rubs his nose on Ben’s, then kisses the tip of it.

“I got something to show you,” he says, then rolls over to fish around for the shoebox he’d put there. When he gets back up, he sits cross legged and opens it up. “I put them away, I donno why. And when I was clearing space for ya, I found them again.”

Ben’s sitting now too, taking the pictures that Callum hands to him. They’re his sketches mostly, a painting Callum had done at school of two faceless kids playing by a river. “These are amazing.”

“You like them,” Callum says, not really a question but still disbelieving.

“Course I do. They’re brilliant.”

Callum ducks his head shyly. They’ve been doing this, them, for months now but Callum still feels so hopeless around Ben. So giddy. When Ben looks at him, Callum tells him, “I still have those pencils you gave me when we was kids. Do you remember?”

Ben’s expression softens even more. “Yeah, I do. I still got that camera.”

Callum smiles at him, watches Ben looking over his things. Not just drawings, but gifts and trinkets and momentoes. His smile gets bigger and bigger as he looks through, happy and amazed.

Callum touches at his chin, to get him to look.

“I know we were young, and it was different,“ he starts to say, moving in just a little closer, their knees touching. He tries to sign a little, he’s trying more every day, hoping it shows Ben how he feels more than words could ever tell him. “But … I loved you, y’know? Loved you more than I’d loved anyone in my whole life. You changed everything for me.”

“Callum.”

“And … and I know it’s the same again, for me. And you don’t have to say anything, I’m not - I just want you to know. I’m in love with ya. You. Not some idea of ya, not a dream. Just. You.”

Ben pauses for a moment, looking at Callum, looking at the pictures and things strewn around. Then he gently pushes them aside and moves right into Callum, almost onto his lap.

“I thought I was the deaf one,” Ben teases, pulling on one of Callum’s ears. Callum huffs. “Haven’t you been listening? I loved you when I was eight years old. And I’m in love with you now. You’re my soulmate, Callum Highway.”

“Ben,” Callum says, knowing Ben can’t hear the crack of his voice but he can’t miss the tears starting to well in Callum’s eyes.

“I love you,” he says, hands at his chest, finger pointing at Callum.

Callum does the same thing back to him, already knowing how to sign it - he’d known for a long time. He’d made sure he knew.

“C’mere.”

When they embrace, Callum closes his eyes and imagines them there. Just like a puzzle, all the pieces coming together. Just like a picture he might sketch, all the lines and curves finally making perfect sense.

Just like a universe.

They're beautiful. 

**Author's Note:**

> [gayrichbaz on tumblr](gayrichbaz.tumblr.com)
> 
> [siennablake on tumblr](siennablake.tumblr.com)
> 
> [me on tumblr](thefancyspin.tumblr.com)


End file.
